There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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