maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
