I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
