i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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