Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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