I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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