The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
