'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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