just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
