yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
