i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sober January is a disaster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
