Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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