once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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