She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
