I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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