do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
