is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
