he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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