I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
