i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
