Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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