There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
