Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
