the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
