Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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