I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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