I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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