You're completely useless in the revolution.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
