i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
