I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
