i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize