i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
