I just cut my nipple shaving
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
