Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
