We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
