Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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