i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
