I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
