I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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