Just cropdusted the office
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
