we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
