I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
