also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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