i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
