I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
