fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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