i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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