At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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