he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
