Don't make out with my wife yet
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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