Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
