Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
