i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
