:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
