This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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