she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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