dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
