I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
