we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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