White coat. Heels.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
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Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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