I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We left the knife in your bed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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