i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize