I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
