How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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