that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
