were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
