everyone is single if you try hard enough
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
