wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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