I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
