she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
