i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
