My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
