i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
